Sunday, July 10, 2011

Critique a part of my prologue please?

A few minutes later, Keisuke woke up in a daze from being unconscious, inside of a mangled car, and looked to see if everyone was all right when he found his father stooped over the steering wheel with massive amounts of blood gushing down from his forehead and onto the floor of the car. It was unclear to him if his father was alive or dead, so he gave him a nudge “Papa?” he cried out after receiving no response from him and nudged him some more. “PAPA!” he shouted but his father did not answer back. He panicked and looked over into the passenger's seat and started to nudge his mother. “Momma?” tears began to well up in his eyes, “MOMMA! Wake up!” he nudged her some more and started to shake her “WAKE UP! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!” no matter how loud he was and how much he shook her, she would not respond.

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